2005 Garam Masala

Can there be a movie worse than the worst? Yes many of them to be precise. One has to be tied to the chair and forced to watch them.

Anyone who wants to do penance by self-inflicting torture should watch movies like this. But sometimes it becomes inevitable. May be, as we say, the accumulated sins of this and the previous births? This movie is one of them which I was forced to, with no escape route available, literally and practically. It was being screened on the screen on one of the overnight buses. With the decibel levels, it is difficult to sleep while it was on. Thankfully finally it was over.

We have Akshay Kumar, John Abraham and Paresh Rawal in what could be called a sex-comedy. One in any sense would wonder how could it get a film-fare award and also be listed amongst block-busters. But that is the level to which the Film-fare awards have fallen to, and the whistling front-benchers are those who rule the box-office now. We who could influence, would rather sit back and watch on smaller screen, and not be counted among box-office gathering. The DVDs rented or purchased are not really included in that.

There are two fashion photographers, Akshay Kumar and John Abraham, the magazine that they work for is called “Garam Masala”. As the name, of the magazine, suggests, our photographers (Akshay is the head and John is assistant) are into photographing scantily, preferably even without that, models in various provocative postures. Despite this much in demand subject their quality of output is neither to the satisfaction of audience nor of the editor. This Akshay is the son of someone in foreign-service and his close friend’s daughter is Akshay’s fiancée, Rimi Sen, studying to be a Doctor as far as I could gather.

Immediately a few questions arose. Obviously the living style or activities showed that they were not rich and famouls and this photography was only a pastime. In that case, could our Garam Masala afford these photographers? Not their salary check, which they told is not high. But what about the model hiring charges, sets, outdoor shootings… for the quality of output that came out off their lenses? Second with this attitude of the boy, how would a highly educated, chic and obviously above average in intelligence (studying medicine need that) girl like his fiancée would be following him, desperately and not the other way round?

Even more unexplainable, there is an international photographic competition in which Abraham Gets first prize (and hence promotion, reversing the head and assistant photographers). This photo has been taken (bought) from some unsold and unpublished photos of a famous photographer. The original photographer didn’t cry foul?

John is given the award, and a free tour to sun in ‘Frisco beach with girls and the jealous Akshay wants to score over him, for which another preposterous plan is made with his confidante Rajpal Yadav. “Get a penthouse and a shining car and you would have any girl that you want” Extremely derogatory gender remark, I wonder why the feminists were not up in arms. Even more preposterous was the way they managed the flat. Car wasn’t a problem since Rajpal was a car mechanic and he managed the cars (like Shekhar in Aakri Dao). Flat was even easier, land up in the house of a mulimillioner that is looking for a housekeeper for a vacant penthouse and get it. No background check, recommendation letter or even credentials necessary. Do we still wonder why so many robberies by domestic servants taking place?

Then our domestic help needs another domestic help and gets old and cranky, Paresh rawal. Who not only would do only some limited works, but that too what , when and how he wishes. How the wages of the new help (Paresh) is paid I wonder. Our hero, he declares isn’t paid enough to even have a decent living. Anyway what they (Akshay and John) talk of the flat they co-shared it looks to be so too. Then his salary from Garam Masala won’t be enough to transfer directly to Paresh. Let us leave the various household expenses, in providing expensive foods at home and in hotels, to the multiple girlfriends. 

Had he been a Heir and only doing all this (photography) for hobby after running off from home, with the mother secretly sending him money, I would have at least brought it to believable level. 

So with penthouse and car and servant in toe, Akshay visits airport, picks up the Air Hostess he fancies and she impressed hops into his bed. He had three of them simultaneously. I had to wonder at the virility of the man and stupidity of the women. Another point in which not only feminists but even the persons of the said profession should have objected but neither did.

Rest is a complete mess how the virile man juggles between the three women (rather four, the fiancée who keeps away from the bed, but still tries to keep a tab on him). It is supposed to be a comedy, but not the type, may be only I, consider to be entertaining.

The worse part of the movie is that, at the end, after knowing all this, his fiancée doesn’t kick on his behind and declares that she is an ex-fiancée. She rather like typical Indian Woman (which only remain on screen, in real life, rare to find them off it) is ready to accept him as and how he is. Would any woman, of real flesh and blood, do that? I wonder. Even had she been married she would have walked out, and here it was only an engagement.

And now I got the movie it is influenced by…. It is Boeing Boeing  a 1965 movie . Paresh Rawal’s role is enacted by an equally strong, though other gender actor,  Thelma Ritter whereas the main two leads are by Tony Curtis and Jerry Lewis. It is an average movie, but not horrible like this, I will call it to be just watchable, unless you don’t have anything to do and are bored to death (this isn’t even that – if you watch it, in such a condition, suicidal tendencies might be encouraged).

This one had avoided the insanely infantile (or rather this movie has introduced the infantilely inane portions) – the starting part  to taking over the house (In Boeing Boeing it is his apartment and Thelma (Bertha) is the house keeper) and the end part. There is no fiancee in it who would crawl into his arm and most unbelievable – forgive all his misdeeds (which woman, or man could?). In fact the two don’t change their stripes and the movie ends up with their attempt on Francoise, female cab driver, into whose cab they have rushed in to escape the marauding Air Hostesses (Dany Saval, Christiane Schmidtmer and Suzanna Leigh, of Air France, Lufthansa and British Airways.) 

One thought on “2005 Garam Masala”

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